tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22367140101720220412024-03-13T22:46:15.020-06:00Living 40 Plus and Fabulous!Changing my life one day at a time from boring to fabulous! Welcome to my journey...Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-8187120809409167652019-08-12T08:21:00.000-06:002019-08-12T08:21:27.993-06:006 Months Alcohol Free!<br />
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I haven’t been very active on my blog for a while. Truth is
I have been hiding and playing the victim card. When I got my thyroid and
Hashimotos diagnosis, I let my mind and self-sabotage take over. I made several
half ass attempts at feeling better and they worked for a hot minute but I then
I would feel sorry for myself and tell myself that if I’m going to be tired,
overweight and a slew of other symptoms, then I might as well just stop trying.
So, I did just that. I stopped walking daily, I stopped eating healthy, I
stopped doing so many things that made me feel good and instead hid away at
home. Tired, fat and lonely. All I needed was to trade my dogs in for cats and
I would’ve had the perfect spinster starter kit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The thing that I forgot about was when my thyroid was at it
worse, a few months before I was diagnosed, I felt the best I had in a long
long time. I was walking because I loved it. Eating food that made me feel good
and reading books that fed my soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
scale didn’t budge but I was getting better and feeling better daily. In my
body, my mind and my soul. Life was going really great but despite everything I
did to feel good, I continued to drink. I couldn’t seem to give up alcohol for more
than 30 days. What would I do without it? How would I have fun? How would I
meet people? Oh alcohol….<o:p></o:p></div>
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Alcohol with its false sense of confidence and fun. It was
the friend that remained constant while I was challenging myself daily to feel
better and it remained my friend when I was hiding away and feeling sorry for
myself. Being alone and single, alcohol gave me a reason to go out alone.
Sitting at a bar drinking wasn’t lonely right? I was surrounded by people.
People I knew, people I just met and people I didn’t know. Truthfully, it was
the loneliest place to be in the world. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In a world that is alcohol obsessed it can be difficult to
make that decision to not drink. Not only do you have your own thoughts to deal
with, you also have the opinions of friends, family and sadly strangers to give
you their 2 cents on the subject. I keep saying this, but alcohol is the only
drug that you have to justify NOT doing. I could be making meth in my bathtub
and want to quit, and everyone would be happy for me but quit drinking…it’s a
different story. Thankfully I have quite a lot of people in my corner this
time, cheering me on and a select few that have been absolutely supportive,
100% of the time. Thanks will never be enough but just know that I love and
appreciate you all more than I can say. <o:p></o:p></div>
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On August 11, 2019 I will be 6 months sober. I didn’t
consider myself an alcoholic, but I knew that I had an issue. When I would make
“rules” around my drinking I realized that maybe some changes needed to be
made. I hoped it would be moderation but after my birthday and the world’s
worst hangover, I knew I needed to quit. I knew as I was laying in bed so sick
that it took all my energy just to let my dogs out. When I was kneeling in
front of my toilet, 12 hours after my last drink, making myself throw up so I
would feel better and as 4 days passed and I still felt like crap, I knew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m so incredibly thankful though that I
didn’t have to hit rock bottom or worse, I didn’t hurt or kill someone or
myself by driving drunk. <o:p></o:p></div>
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That’s where my mind always goes. I think about all the
times I drove drunk, thinking I was OK to drive. I get tears in my eyes when I
think about what could’ve happened. Lives that could’ve been forever changed by
my decisions to drive. I will be eternally grateful that nothing ever happened.
I’m grateful that I don’t wake up with hangovers anymore. I don’t have any
anxiety or guilt about what I said, did or texted the night before and that
every decision I have made in the past 6 months have been 100% mine with a
clear mind. There is honestly so much that I am grateful for by not drinking.
The things that I thought I would miss, I don’t miss. Those things are just
different now. I am different now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I may be more of a home body and I’ll leave places early. I may
not be as outgoing or quick to talk to strangers. I may avoid situations all
together now but all of this if OK. There comes a time in all of our lives that
we need to be true to ourselves and stop worrying so much about others think of
us. We need to take care of ourselves. We only have one life to live and I
don’t want to live that life in as alcohol induced state where I am missing out
on the best moments of life. I can’t remember my nephew’s 1<sup>st</sup>
birthday because I was drunk. This breaks my heart on so many levels. There are
hundreds, if not thousands, of special events, conversations and moments that I
don’t remember. So much time wasted being wasted. I think that sobriety is
scary for many. Too many emotions and feelings to deal with. Sadly alcohol
doesn’t get rid of them. It postpones them and in a lot of cases, makes them
worse. I know it did for me. No more of that in my life. I plan on being
present for all my best moments from here on out.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My plan going forward is to blog more, write more, walk
more, eat more plant based food and definitely read more books that feed my
soul. I plan on doing what is best for me regardless what people think. Because
after all, this is my life, my one life and I will live it on my terms and my
own way. I’m not saying this in a narcissistic way but in a lifesaving, and
life preserving way. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So even though I have
been in a funk and having the world’s longest pity party, life without alcohol has
been extremely good for me and I don’t regret one second of my new sober
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-52937750312234772432018-01-25T17:46:00.000-07:002018-01-25T17:47:16.822-07:00What diets have taught me...<div class="MsoPlainText">
Cabbage soup diet, grapefruit diet, Nutrisystem, 21 day
fix, Weight Watchers (more times than I can count), Atkins diet, Suzanne Somers
diet, Paleo diet, Vegan diet, South Beach diet, Mediterranean diet, Body of
Life, Advocare, Isagenix, flat belly diet, Sparkpeople diet, Biggest Loser
diet, no fat/no salt diet, slim fast diet, Whole 30…<o:p></o:p></div>
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I have used every one of these diets at one point in my
life. I've spent thousands of dollars and lost hundreds of pounds. I've also
gained every one of those pounds back along with a few more just for fun. With
every pound lost and every pound gained I have also lost a lot of myself,
beaten myself up and shamed myself into trying again. Trying something else
that will hopefully allow me to lose the weight. Pushing me deeper and deeper
into a pit of body shame and self-hate. What I've learned from my years, 20+
years, is that none of these diets gave or taught me what I thought I would get
from them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets taught me how to fuel my body with low fat
and fat free chemical laden "food". They taught me that real natural
fat was bad. <o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets taught me that my mood for the day was
dependent on the number on the scale.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets taught me that there was something wrong with
me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets taught me that my self-worth was dependent on
a certain body size.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets taught me that I was unlovable and didn't
deserve love unless I was a certain size.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets taught me that I needed to wait until I got
to a certain weight before I could do so many things in life. "I'll do
that when I lose this weight" was said too often.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets taught me that certain food was bad and if I
ate it, I was bad, and the shame and guilt would start.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets taught me to hate myself because I have no
willpower.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets taught me that “skinny” = “happy”<o:p></o:p></div>
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These diets took the pleasure out of a lot of special
events.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I could blame these diets for every one of these things
that I've felt in my life. I could blame myself for feeling what I felt on
these diets for my whole life. I could blame society for being obsessed with
weight, fitness, and the perfect diet. I could blame too many people and events
but there's no sense in blame and it doesn't do any good. It was me, all me and
I did it to myself. I'm thankful that I'm learning something different now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I'm learning that food isn't the enemy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m learning to listen to my body and eat what nourishes
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I’m learning that if I want to eat something formerly
thought of as “bad”, that I eat it and there is no guilt involved. I enjoy all
foods now.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I learned that throwing away my scale was the most
freeing thing I could’ve done.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I'm learning that I am worth so much more than I thought.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m learning that love starts with me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m learning that if someone doesn’t want to love me
because of my size or weight then I don’t want those people in my life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve learned that I’m not waiting any longer to do
anything. I’m living life now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m learning that there is so much more to our weight
than just calories in and calories out. There is so much going on in our mind
that we have to deal with and either let go of it or embrace it. Figuring it
out isn’t easy but it’s worth it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The most important thing I’ve learned is that there's
another way to live life and it does not involve dieting or restricting
anything. It's about listening to myself and my body. It's about being present
in life and letting go of the diet mentality and bullshit that I have learned
and lived for so many wasted years. </div>
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Years wasted and years I can’t get back.
All I know now is to move forward and hopefully inspire others to break free from
their diet chains and start to live life too. A life so full of pleasures that
I refuse to deny myself any of them. A life that should be lived to its
fullest.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-39346317274246002262018-01-10T19:40:00.000-07:002018-01-10T19:40:51.692-07:0010 things I've learned last year that have change my life...<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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What I thought was a simple weight loss journey, turned into a journey into my
soul. A journey to discover who I need to be and especially a journey of self-love
and acceptance. I have shed many tears, wrote pages of journal entries and questioned
myself more times than I can count. I wouldn’t change a minute of it. Below is
a brief list of the 10 most important things I learned last year. These are the
10 things that have transformed me on the inside and how I see my life. A life that
I see now is pretty amazing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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10.<span style="color: #26282a;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a;">Chose to be
grateful, no matter what!</span></div>
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9.<span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;">Diet and
exercise are the easy part. Un-fucking your mind from all the lies we’ve been
telling ourselves is the hardest part of weight loss.</span></div>
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8.<span style="color: #26282a;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a;">Surround
yourself with people who support you. Find your tribe, love them </span>hard!</div>
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7.<span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;">Stop waiting!
Stop waiting to lose weight before you do things you want or live your life to its
fullest. Go on that trip, ride that roller coaster, buy clothes that actually
fit and look good, flirt, get those boudoir pictures done. Do it now, otherwise
you will be waiting forever.</span></div>
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6.<span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;">Forgive-
forgive your parents, forgive those who have wronged you and most importantly-
forgive yourself.</span></div>
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5.<span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;">Slow down and
enjoy! Enjoy the food, slow down, savor and find pleasure in your meals, enjoy
life, enjoy yourself, and most importantly slow down and enjoy your family and
the people in your life- they won’t be there forever and your kids will grow up
before you know it.</span></div>
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4.<span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;">The number on
the scale does not define you. Throw the scale away and it’s amazing how free
you will feel.</span></div>
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3.<span style="color: #26282a;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a;">You cannot
get a positive result from a negative mind. Change happens from the i</span>nside out.</div>
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2.<span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;">There is a
time for us all to move from princess to Queen and that time is now. Stop being
the damsel in distress and own who you are and own your power.</span></div>
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1.<span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #26282a; text-indent: -0.5in;">Love yourself
and your body now. Love all of you as it is in this moment and love everything.
Learn to love even when you've been hating it for as long as you can remember.</span></div>
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Want to know more about these? Stay tuned....</div>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-32202369627293404762017-05-02T19:13:00.001-06:002017-05-02T19:16:24.496-06:00Unfuck Yourself!<div class="MsoPlainText">
I've been saying for years that losing weight is hard.
That's been my mantra that I've been preaching for years and used far too long
as an excuse to stay fat. It's not entirely true though and I just came to that
realization recently.</div>
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Losing weight is not hard. Losing weight is moving your
body more and not eating crappy food. Honestly, it's as simple as that. It’s
what you’ve been hearing for years and it is true whether you want to believe
it or not. There is no magic pill. What is hard work is unfucking your mind
from all the bullshit lies that you've been telling yourself for years. The
things going through your mind about why you're not worth it or why you don’t
have time and all the other little things playing in your mind on a daily
basis. It’s unfucking your mind when you work your ass off and the scale
doesn’t move and you feel like quitting but you keep going anyway. It’s about
breaking free from the thoughts that you have lived with for years or probably
decades. It’s about confronting your bullshit once and for all and dealing head
on with your issues.</div>
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Once I started thinking about my relationship with food
everything changed. Once I realized what I gain by continuing to eat the way I
did, it opened up a whole new mindset for me. (You can read about that <a href="http://wendymalarsie.blogspot.com/2017/02/dont-mind-me-im-just-here-for-food_16.html" target="_blank">here</a>) <o:p></o:p></div>
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I believe that every single person who is fat is holding
onto the weight because there is some personal gain that they get from it. You
may not realize it and you may be in denial about it but there is a personal
gain for each of us to stay fat, whether it be comfort, or control, or hiding
behind your weight to keep other people at bay. There are 1000+ reasons that
people stay fat and until you breakthrough that mindset of what's keeping you
fat, you will stay fat. You'll lose the weight and then you'll gain it back and
continue this cycle, over and over again. I've done it more times than I can
count. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I'm not going to say that I had this crazy ah-ha moment
and my mind totally shifted. Not even close. I've been on this path of
self-discovery for over a year now and it wasn't until I really looked hard at
my relationship with food did things start changing. It wasn't a change in one
day but more of a slow change in the way I view exercise, the way I eat, the
way I plan my food, in the way I think about food and more importantly, don't
think about food every second of my life. It was slowly making the decision to
get out and walk every day at lunch. Not because I had to but because it felt
good. It makes my body and my mind feel absolutely fantastic. It was about getting together with my friend Kasey and starting a fitness challenge at work. It’s about eating
with intention to make my body feel good instead of sick from the crap I
ingested. It’s about learning why I was doing what I was doing and saying
enough is enough. It’s also about knowing that if I want to indulge, I do but
then I don’t guilt trip the hell out of myself for doing it. I also know that
what I thought was food I couldn’t live without, is food I haven’t craved or
wanted for weeks now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I remember one time when I was writing down long term
goals that I put something along the lines of, “I want exercise and eating healthy to be something
I do because it makes me feel good, not because I have to.” I can honestly say
that this is where my mind is right now. It could change next month, or even
tomorrow but for now I am living healthy. Not because I have to but because it
feels good. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy now that my thoughts have
shifted but what I am saying is that the future looks a lot less daunting. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-74131501723544438692017-04-06T22:17:00.000-06:002017-04-07T12:22:40.731-06:00Morocco, self love and #girlgangs<div class="MsoNormal">
This is probably my longest blog post to date but it is also the closest to my heart. I ask that you take time to read it and follow me
on my journey through Morocco…<o:p></o:p></div>
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Last week I embarked on a trip of a lifetime. I headed to
Morocco with a bunch of strangers for a spiritual retreat unlike any that I’ve
ever done. It was a radical self-love retreat and I loved every second of it,
even the uncomfortable super vulnerable parts. Going to Morocco for this was twofold,
I got to learn from other like-minded women as well as visiting a country that
has been on my bucket list for years. Flying though is not on my fun list. It
gives me anxiety and I’d honestly rather drive except driving to Morocco is out
of the question. I will say that nothing says “you could stand to lose a few
pounds” quite like an airplane seat and seatbelt. Unfortunately I was stuck in
the middle seat so the longest stretch was pretty uncomfortable. I will say
though that International airplanes have come a long way since my last time
overseas which was 1995.</div>
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<a name='more'></a>When this trip came up I knew that I had to go. It was one
of those things that you aren’t sure will come around again. The retreat was
hosted by an author that I have come to adore. I read her book last year (twice)
and did an online course that she offered as well. I was at a time in my life
that I knew I needed to learn to love myself. Not an easy task when your
thoughts are usually negative and self-defeating. The book is called <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Self-Love-Loving-Yourself-Living/dp/1401951422/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491538397&sr=8-1&keywords=radical+self+love" target="_blank">RadicalSelf-Love</a> and the amazing author is <a href="http://www.galadarling.com/" target="_blank">Gala Darling</a>. The retreat was also
co-hosted by the very vivacious <a href="http://www.dangerdame.com/" target="_blank">Veronica Varlow</a>. Each woman alone will cause
you to stop and take notice but the two of them together is powerful. You can
actually feel the confidence and strength radiating from them when they walk
into a room. It’s the kind of confidence and strength that I am working so hard
to achieve. I can’t even put into words the love and friendship that I feel for
these 2 amazing women.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have a #girlcrush and her name is Veronica Varlow</td></tr>
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Before I get into the retreat, let me start with Marrakech,
Morocco.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The sights, the smells, the people – it is a complete
overload of the senses. When you look at the city from the air, it is brown and
green. It gives no indication of the color display in the souk. Upon arrival to
the medina where we walked through the maze of shops and people to get to our riad,
I was in awe of everything. I wanted to stop and touch and feel and look at
everything I saw. There are so many people everywhere and along both sides of
the corridor there are shops loaded (and I mean LOADED) with goods for sale.
The shop owners are yelling at you to stop and they want to haggle with you for
everything. If you have any anxiety about people, crowds and noise then I
suggest that the souks of Marrakech are not for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Airplane view- Brown and green!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Scarves of every color! (photo credit to Kirsty Marshall)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh if i had room in my suitcase for all these teapots! (photo credit to Kirsty Marshall)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In the souk- not crowded at all!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">more souk</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">the craftsmanship on some things are amazing!</td></tr>
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I could have spent hours looking in all the shops but what
we learned very fast was that if you pick up something to look at it, you will
probably end up buying it. They are not very good at taking no for an answer. A
lot of the stores carried the same items, similar to the stores in Mexico, but
if you spotted a unique item, you better buy it because the chance of finding
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The lanterns are out of this world!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm sure that is real Chanel...</td></tr>
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In the main area where we were staying there was a smaller medina
area that was my favorite to walk through. In the center of the square there
were vendors set up with baskets and goods and along the sides were spice and herb
shops. It all smelled of spice and you could literally taste the spices in the
air. Rose buds, turmeric, saffron, cumin and all sorts of other spices and
herbs were placed in giant sacks and piled high waiting for purchase. We
stopped at one shop and drank tea with them while they told us what everything
was and what it did. They let us try the jasmine and amber rubs and smell the
spices. They sold pigment for paint that was so vivid it didn’t look real. Buying
mint crystals looked like a drug deal and bottles lined the walls so high you
couldn’t reach them. We went to the dyers market and saw the freshly dyed wool
hanging to dry. Dodging motorcycles in
the slim corridors was a serious talent. One wonders why they would even try to
drive down there with so many people. Eating food was always a production. You
couldn’t just grab something and go. Meals required at least an hour but the
food was amazing. Walking up three flights of sketchy stairs to eat Tajine on
the rooftop balconies overlooking the medina is definitely an experience. 5
times a day we would hear the prayer calls and we all took that time to say
what we were grateful for. It started around 5 am but I am sure that most of us
were not so grateful at that time of the morning. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Twice during the week we actually left the souk. Once to go
to Jardin Majorelle and then 4 of us went on an adventurous camel ride.
Actually, it wasn’t adventurous at all but it was really fun and we laughed the
entire hour long ride. The garden was a beautiful oasis in the middle of the
city and it was there that I fell in love with the most beautiful shade of blue
I have ever seen in my life. I need to find a way to incorporate it into my
life because it just makes my life better to see it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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On our last day there we spent the afternoon at Hammam de la
Rose, which is a basically a spa but they have a bath house. The thought of
getting bathed in a big steam room by a stranger with your new friends right next to you made me more uncomfortable that I ever thought imaginable but I did it. I
decided that I was in Morocco for new experiences and this was definitely a new
experience. It was a little awkward at first but once you relax it's fine. The
message at the end though was worth all of the awkwardness. I was glad that I
did it. It got me outside my comfort zone and have a wonderful experience that
I might have missed otherwise. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I must admit that my favorite part of Morocco was the
architecture. The tiles, carved wood, doors, alleyways and buildings were
amazing. I took so many pictures and honestly could’ve spent a whole day just
looking for different buildings to photograph. Here are a few of my favorite.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The retreat….I don’t know how to put this part into words
and even if I did, I don’t think you would understand unless you were there. It
was an unforgettable time of meditation, self-reflection, rituals, a little bit
of #lovewitch magic, tears and laughter. I learned more about myself than I
ever have. The funny thing is that I learned nothing new. It was all things
that I have heard before but somehow, in this setting it really resonated with
me and stuck. I also found out that we all struggle with the same thoughts and
that I am not an island. The woman that got on the plane to Morocco was not the
same one that got off. I realized, as simple as it may sound, that everything I
need to make my life and myself better is within me. I’ve heard it before but I
still was looking for external sources for the answer. I was looking for
something to “fix” me. What I realized is that I am perfect just how I am. Obviously
I have things that I want to improve but how I am right now is just wonderful.
It’s kind of liberating to realize this. I stand taller, I speak my mind more
(not sure if my friends like this or not), I am enough. I owe this to Gala and
Veronica. I learned to let go, to own my sensuality and to how to walk into a
room and own it! <o:p></o:p></div>
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What I came away from this experience was that it’s not about
being a radical feminist but more about being a woman and owning my power.
Being fierce and strong yet soft and vulnerable. There was something magical
about having 18 women together. Laughing, crying and supporting each other.
Never was there cattiness or bitchiness. We were all there for the same reason.
To gain our power back and support each other in the process. This is how life
should be. Women supporting each other, sharing secret truths about ourselves
and knowing that it will stay in confidence. Never feeling judged but instead
knowing that we can say anything and realizing that we are not alone in these
feelings. We as women are such a strong force. If we (as a whole) weren’t so
busy competing with each other or tearing each other down, we could actually
rule the world. It’s powerful to support and hold each other up. I don’t
consider myself a feminist. I’m not going to march or protest. What I will do
is support, fight for and love every woman in my life as well as the ones that
are not. I hear a lot from some women that they would rather hang out with guys
because it is less drama. I completely understand this but at the same time I
feel saddened for these women. I am a firm believer in #girlgangs. I think
every woman should have a couple of really kickass girlfriends in her corner.
Friends that you can call when you get your heart broken, get that promotion,
fall in love and all the other wonderful and painful parts of life. Girlfriends
to drink wine with, shop with, exercise with and just relax with. I’m lucky
enough to have a sister that I can do all this with but I also have my #girlgang
and they are absolutely amazing. I wish that for all women. I also hope that we,
as women, can start to teach young girls the value of support and friendship
instead of bullying and gossip. Little girls can be the most vicious awful
creatures, so teaching and showing them this power of women is so important.
With all the cyber bullying and suicide it’s more important now more than ever.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m not asking for you to get crazy with #womanpower but
next time you go out, compliment a women. Stop the gossip about your coworker.
Listen, really listen, when your friend needs to talk. Support your friends in their
goals and encourage them with new ventures. It’s the little things that will
help build women up and with that we are a power to behold! <o:p></o:p></div>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-72147619415996645842017-02-16T07:04:00.000-07:002017-02-16T07:04:59.956-07:00Don't mind me, I'm just here for the food<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have always been one of those girls that accepts every
invitation presented to her. I use to think it was because I was a social
butterfly. I am to an extent but I will also confess that I accepted a lot of those
invitations because there would be food and drinks involved. In social
situations it is OK to eat and drink whatever you want. It’s OK to go back to
the food table over and over again because no one is paying attention. No one
is there to judge you, they are all doing the same thing. I would go places to
eat and drink when I would rather be home. Food always won.</div>
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It’s no secret that I struggle with my weight. It’s no
secret that I am fat. What was a secret is that I am addicted to food. Food is
my drug of choice. Food makes me feel how no one has ever made me feel before.
Food is there for me when I am sad, when I am lonely, when I am happy and when
I celebrate. Food has never cheated on me or broke my heart. Food is my companion
and it’s been a comfort to me for as long as I can remember. Food to me is the
comfort of home and grandma’s house and the joy of childhood. I love food for
how it has always made me feel but that feeling was temporary. The feeling of
guilt and hate lasts a lot longer than that feeling of love and comfort. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Maybe it’s not a secret but like any addict, I have been in
denial about the truth between myself and food. I have used food to destroy my
body, my self-esteem and my confidence. I have used food as a coping mechanism
and in turn, I will hide food and binge like a junky getting that one last hit.
Luckily this addiction has not taken everything, as some addiction do, but it
has taken enough. It has robbed me of years of not doing things and holding
back because of my weight, years of self-loathing and hating myself and not
looking at myself naked in the mirror. It
has caused me to seek intimacy with whoever I could and then left wondering
what was wrong with me that no one stuck around. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve spent the last year learning to love myself and build
up my confidence and self-esteem. I have come leaps and bounds from the woman I
was just last year. I have pushed past fear and done things I never thought I’d
do but I am capable of so much more. I want so much out of this life and I am
sick and tired of allowing food and my weight to control my life. In the end, I
know that it’s not foods fault. It was mine and it is time that I stop shifting
blame and using food to keep me fat. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m not sure when it finally clicked in my mind about what I
need to do. I’ve always known what to do, I’ve tried it before and failed. It
wasn’t because I wasn’t doing the right thing, it was because I didn’t fully understand
what I was dealing with. Weight loss and food addiction are a complete mind
fuck and admitting this out in the open is amazingly freeing and the first step
I honestly needed to take. It feels crazy because I have a sense of peace like
everything is coming together, that I am not a failure. I don’t feel like food
has such a strong hold over me as it once did. The grasp it has on me is
loosening up. I am not naïve enough to think that from here on out it’s going
to be easy and all unicorns and rainbows. It will be anything but easy. What I
do know is that I won’t allow food to control my life any longer. I won’t allow
food to be my comfort and lonely companion. I will eat to live instead of
living to eat. I’ve heard that quote a thousand times and just this moment
truly felt and understood what it means. I was living to eat and killing myself and my
soul in the process. It’s time to break free of the addiction and the hold that
I have allowed food to have over me. It is time that I break up from this toxic
relationship once and for all. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-55876948064610365962016-11-01T16:33:00.000-06:002016-11-02T13:56:26.568-06:00#operationthanksgivingdinner<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Thanksgiving always seems to get the short end of the stick. It feels as
though we go from Halloween straight into Christmas. Now I love a good
Thanksgiving dinner as much as the next guy but my heart really belongs to
Christmas and Halloween. Christmas especially is such a joyous time of year.
People are generally in a better mood and they're more giving of themselves and
of any money and goods that they may have. I am one of those people that
anxiously wait for Thanksgiving to be over so that I could start decorating
immediately the day after. Screw Black Friday, I am all about decorating my
house.<br />
<a name='more'></a>Don't get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving too but in a different way
than Christmas. I love spending time with my family, I love the food and I love
that there's a whole day where people just think about what they're thankful
for because I don't think people take enough time for that. People go day to
day not realizing the joy and beauty of everything around them. Never being
grateful for everything in their life or even taking the time to appreciate all
they have. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Christmas is definitely the season of giving. There are thousands of
organizations everyday soliciting donations of money, gifts and food for those
families that need a little extra help. Last year I donated a ham and some other food to a local family. I have no idea who they were. I
actually found them on our local online yard sale page on Facebook. I had a ham
in my freezer and I wanted to give it to someone that needed something more for
their Christmas dinner. A woman responded that she knew just the family and
would meet me to pick it up. On my way there I stopped at the grocery store and
picked up a few more bags of food and met her. She was so grateful and appreciative.
She thanked me numerous times and told me that the family would love this
Christmas dinner. It filled my heart with joy. I was so grateful that I was
able to give a family a meal that they might not otherwise have had and it made
me grateful for all that I have in my life. Grateful that I don’t have to
wonder where my next meal is coming from. Grateful that I have a mother that
hosts us for all the holidays and we have more than enough food. Grateful for
so many things that many of us take for granted all year long. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
This got me thinking that I should do this again this year but for
Thanksgiving too. How many families don’t get a Thanksgiving dinner because
they can’t afford it? People need help all year long, not just at Christmas and
Thanksgiving is the next best time to share and give. I then thought one step further
and decided to start a challenge, of sorts, and call it Operation Thanksgiving
Dinner. I challenge each one of you reading this to find a local family to help
this Thanksgiving. Get a turkey and ingredients for 2-3 side dishes and donate
it all to a family in need. There are 3 ½ weeks left until Thanksgiving to get
this done. If buying a whole dinner is too daunting or not financial feasible
all at once, do what I’m going to do, space out your shopping each week. This
week I’ll buy items for 1 or 2 side dishes. Next week a frozen turkey and the
weekend before Thanksgiving I will buy any produce or perishable items. If you
honestly can’t afford a whole dinner than really think about a small monetary
donation. $5.00 may not seem like much to you or but it means a lot to those that struggle. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Today I stopped by a local organization called <a href="http://www.lpffc.org/" target="_blank">Pine River Shares</a> which is a
program of La Plata Family Centers Coalition and they help families in need.
They focus on Bayfield (where I live), Ignacio and Arboles. Now if you aren’t
from around here these towns are extremely small and surprisingly I learned
that there are 60 families that get weekly food bags from this group. 60! That
is a lot of families for this area. Just think about bigger towns and cities! I
was also told that usually they get a donation from some corporate sponsors for
20 turkeys. This year the sponsors are not able to donate so they only have 5
turkeys. I know more than 15 people that can surely donate turkeys or even the
money for turkeys. I also learned that they have an anonymous donor that will
double what money they receive so your $20.00 would really be $40.00. That can
go a long way to some families! <o:p></o:p><br />
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If money is tight here are some suggestions to save some cash so you can
help – <o:p></o:p><br />
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<div style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Skip
the morning coffee joint and make it at home. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Drink
a few less beers on Friday night during happy hour.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Make
your lunch and bring it to work and don’t eat out so much<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Paint
your own nails at home and skip the mani/pedi just once.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Instead
of buying your kids 10 presents for Christmas, buy them 1 or 2 less.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->6.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Go
to the library instead of buying that book.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->7.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Wear
something you already have to a holiday party instead of buying something new.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Seriously this list could go on and on but I am making a point. It’s not
that hard to save a few bucks to help someone in need. I do ask that if you
donate a whole meal, a few items or even money that you find a local
organization wherever you live. Please don’t donate to those places that only
10% go to people in need and the rest goes to some CEO sitting in a corner
office. Keep it local! Let’s spread the word about this and get it going to all your friends
and family. Share this blog post and use the hashtag
#operationthanksgivingdinner on Instagram or Facebook with pictures of how you
are helping and making a difference. Just think that if you shared this with 5 people
and they each bought a dinner, that is 5 more families that won’t go hungry on
November 24<sup>th</sup>. Always remember, there may be time when you are in
need and that $10.00 you just spent on your latte and pastry could mean the
difference between going hungry for a day or having a full belly. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-28812482310723821412016-08-05T15:47:00.002-06:002016-08-05T15:47:27.779-06:00Being Single<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are a friend of mine on Facebook then you probably
saw several days of posts for what I was calling “Single Awareness Week”.
Basically it was me being an ass about all the happy couple/love my husband
posts that are going around now. They showed what I did that day and I was
doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Usually it is only on Valentine’s Day
that makes me painfully aware just how single I am but now social media has
come up with more ways to do that and make it last for weeks at a time. Don’t
get me wrong, I don’t begrudge my friends happiness in their marriages. In fact
I long to find that special someone to be in my life to live, laugh and share. Sometimes
it’s just tiresome to see that all the time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Doing those posts actually turned out to be a good thing for
me and they made me realize that even though I do want to find that person to
love and live with forever, I am, at this moment, just fine with being single
and living alone. I realized that I am not going to settle for less than I
deserve just so that I can be in a relationship. I am not going to date just to
date. I will take my time to find the person that will make my life complete.
WAIT?! WHAT?! Did I really just write that? I don’t need a man to make my life
complete it is already complete! I have so many great friends and family that
are there for me no matter what is going on. I just know that finding that man to love and
love me back will give my life added happiness and joy. A different kind of
complete. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Everyone knows those people that are never single. They seem
to have a new person in their life the day after a breakup. I am definitely not
one of those people. I have a hard time putting myself out there and I couldn’t
flirt to save my life. Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe my fliting game.
That being said it is really no surprise that I stay single as long as I have. </div>
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I know so many people that are so scared to be alone that
they date horrible people and put up with so much crap, not really knowing or
realizing that life could be so different but they are afraid to grab it
because they are scared to be single. If I could just say a few things to all
these people- Stop settling for less! Stop dating assholes and people that
treat you like crap. Step outside your comfort zone and try being single for a
little while. Learn to live with yourself and learn who you really are. Fall in
love with yourself for a change. Take yourself out on a date once a month. Be
comfortable being alone for a while. I’m not saying that being single is all
sunshine and roses because it’s not. It gets to me sometimes and I wallow in
self-pity all while eating take out and drinking alone. I get tired of being
the third wheel with my couple friends or the only single person at a party but
I would much rather wake up years from now still single than wake up next to
someone and realize that I wasted years on a relationship that shouldn’t have
started in the first place. Because I now know better. I know not to settle! <o:p></o:p></div>
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I don’t want to say that I completely settled in my last
relationship but almost. I settled when he told me in the beginning that he
would never get married. I settled when he told me that he was relationship
challenged. I settled for the really important things and I refuse to do that
again. Knowing this, would I change my past if I could? Absolutely not but it
doesn’t mean I am going to do it again. Everyone and everything is put in our
life for a reason. Most of the time we will never know that reason. Those years
have helped shape me into the woman I am today- good, bad and indifferent. They gave me a better understanding of what I
want and need out of life and out of a partner. It gave me strength and
confidence in myself and the knowledge that it is OK to be single because
truthfully, I may be single but I am never alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tqppLfvSvy4/V6UGE_K9PLI/AAAAAAAAAZE/ZL1swqOofVIjxc-7zKIgXZyD0kROa_VSQCEw/s1600/date%2B1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tqppLfvSvy4/V6UGE_K9PLI/AAAAAAAAAZE/ZL1swqOofVIjxc-7zKIgXZyD0kROa_VSQCEw/s400/date%2B1.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I took myself on a date last week. Drinks, sushi and ice cream. Best date I've had in a while! </td></tr>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-44029830457419783762016-06-17T13:22:00.000-06:002016-06-17T13:22:40.449-06:00~How I see me~<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you know what it’s like to look at yourself in the mirror
every day and wish you were someone else? Maybe not someone else but someone
skinnier, healthier, more muscular, etc. etc. etc…Blah blah blah. It’s like a
broken record. Every day of my life. This is how I have been living. Existing
is more like it. I have spent so long wishing I was something else and never
loving and appreciating what I have and because of this I have missed out on a
lot of things. I have spent a lot of time this year learning to love and
appreciate my body. Reading books and blogs and getting in the mindset to
change my everyday thinking. I am slowly being able to look in the mirror and
not cringe at what I see. I am learning to see the beauty of myself from the
outside. I have spent a majority of my life on a diet or weight loss plan of some
sort, spending thousands of dollars on that one thing that will help me. Searching
for that number on a scale that will magically fix the way I see myself and
make me happy. The sad thing is that number doesn’t exist. That number is what
I weigh now, what I weighed 6 months ago and what I will weigh a year from now.
I need to fix the way I see me in this moment and love every inch of me inside
and out. To be happy in the here and now, no matter how much I weigh.</div>
<a name='more'></a> <o:p></o:p><br />
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On Facebook I am part of a women’s fitness group. I see so
many women that have bodies I have been dreaming about for years but they hate
their bodies and pick themselves apart. They wish that some part of them were
smaller, more fit, less lumpy, the list goes on and on. One woman’s dream body
is hated by another. It’s truly sad to see but I know how they feel. We all do.
We all have body issues, some are just deeply rooted more than others. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I think about who I am trying to lose weight for and what
life will be like. Most of the time it is for me and wanting to feel and look
better but I will admit that I also think I need to lose weight in order to
“find someone to love”. I think that if I look a certain way or weigh a certain
amount that I will find someone to spend my life with. The honest truth is that
I feel like I can only be loved if I lose weight. No one is going to love me in
this body. I don’t love me in this body so how can anyone else? It’s
thoughts like this that I have come to realize have shaped my life for far too
long. When I actually write that down it sounds ridiculous, even to my own ears,
but it’s how I feel and have felt for as long as I can remember. It’s time to
start realizing my worth not just to myself but to others as well. I have way
too much life and love to give.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Who was it that told me I wasn’t good enough as I am? Was it
family? My friends? The kids that made fun of me for being fat? The media? No, it was me. Outside factors definitely
influenced the way I think but in the end it is me and always has been. I hold
the power to make me feel superior or inferior. It is a choice that each of us
has. It’s time to embrace this power and hold myself up with confidence and
knowing that I am OK, better than OK, just how I am. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I guess the point of all this rambling is that I am done. I
am done dieting and beating myself up all the time. No more stressing out over what I should and should not eat, how many
calories have I consumed or how many hours this week I worked out. It sounds like I am giving myself free reign to just sit on my ass and eat crap and convince myself that I am great. I am not, I'm just cutting myself some slack. I will and
still plan to eat healthy most of the time but if I want pizza and beer I will have it and not
feel bad about it. I will still work every day towards getting my 10000 steps
and/or 30 minutes a day of exercise. Not because I should but because it makes
me feel good when I do.</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ksJiCVC5hAM/V2RKuXEJ-oI/AAAAAAAAAYc/WP6iJv_4JasRFQ8lPP7Bq7K4fjdmQ5WuACLcB/s1600/IMG_5937.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ksJiCVC5hAM/V2RKuXEJ-oI/AAAAAAAAAYc/WP6iJv_4JasRFQ8lPP7Bq7K4fjdmQ5WuACLcB/s320/IMG_5937.JPG" width="222" /></a>The change probably won’t look too much different from the
outside but the change from the inside is what will matter. I know that when I
let go to all of this unhealthy baggage about being healthy that things will
really start to take shape in my life. It’s time to throw out my scale and buy
more full length mirrors. It’s time to finally see myself as I am and as cliché
as it sounds, I am enough.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-41160220649951227652016-03-10T15:35:00.000-07:002016-03-10T15:35:50.911-07:00A peek into my boudoir..almost<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been struggling with this blog post for about a month
now. I am honestly at a loss and I am having the hardest time putting my thoughts
and feelings into words. This is the only post that you will really get to see
me. Not just my words but pictures too. Once this post is up and public I will
probably get some judgement as well (“I can’t believe she posted those pictures
online!”) but I guess that is going to happen when you have a blog, that at
times, shows you at your most vulnerable. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am one of those people that if I want to do something, I
will do it. I’m not going to wait around and miss that opportunity. It’s
because of this that I have done and seen a lot of things that most people can
only dream about. I am also one of those people that will put something off
“until I lose weight” and it is because of this that I have missed out on some
pretty spectacular things. I’m not sure why weight should ever have anything to
do with whether or not I do something but it does.</div>
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For as long as I can remember I have been overweight and
growing up I had always felt like the heaviest and ugliest of my friends. It
probably wasn’t true but that’s how I felt. I have also had body image issues
and low self-esteem for as long as I can remember too but I’ve learned to put
out a sense of confidence even when I don’t feel it. I’ve always wanted to be
sexy like Marilyn Monroe or Sophia Loren. You know the type, curves and
cleavage and a sex appeal that all men dream about and most woman want. In my
mind, Marilyn Monroe had the perfect body but by today’s standards she would be
considered plus size (or god forbid, fat) and far from perfect and criticized
by the media for her size. I think that a lot of the appeal and sexiness came
from the confidence both woman put out there as well. It is one thing to be beautiful
and sexy but you have to own it and know it. These two women did and they are
still icons of beauty and sex appeal, 50+ years later. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0MtebD-nqc4/VuHwrCAtEbI/AAAAAAAAAXY/7ZkvCprTO9wrKN9ulLqteQaxt_12lXoqQ/s1600/marilyn.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0MtebD-nqc4/VuHwrCAtEbI/AAAAAAAAAXY/7ZkvCprTO9wrKN9ulLqteQaxt_12lXoqQ/s320/marilyn.JPG" width="140" /></a><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oMejYFHwVCo/VuHwrZZKwVI/AAAAAAAAAXc/idusIKIosQIgeDho5-oG9c-5AZcVVZW5A/s1600/sophia.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oMejYFHwVCo/VuHwrZZKwVI/AAAAAAAAAXc/idusIKIosQIgeDho5-oG9c-5AZcVVZW5A/s320/sophia.JPG" width="249" /></a></div>
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Their sexy boudoir photos are found everywhere and usually
the first pictures to pop up in a google search. Those boudoir photo shoots are
something that I have always wanted to do. I was going to wait until I lost
weight though to do it. Especially since my confidence and self-esteem were at
an all- time low since my breakup. I even went so far as to buy the session
package at a fundraiser so that I would have it when the time came. When I lost
weight… but after seeing some amazing pictures from the photographer’s Facebook
page I decided to go for it. There was one post in particular that the woman
stated exactly what I was doing. She was going to wait until she was at her
ideal weight but she decided to go for it and her pictures were absolutely
beautiful. It was at that moment that I sent a message to Ashley at <a href="http://beautydefinedboudoir.com/" target="_blank">BeautyDefined Boudoir</a> and booked my appointment. For the weeks leading up to it I was
so nervous every time I thought about the session and I almost canceled a
couple times but I knew Ashley wouldn’t let me. When the day came I gathered my bag of mismatched
items and headed down the street. I kind of felt like I was headed to a firing
squad. Luckily Ashley has such a bright and cheery personality that she
immediately put me at ease. The rest of the morning flew by in a haze of
champagne, laughing, photos and I’m not going to lie, some awkward posing. It’s
not so easy to pose and look sexy and hold it while just the right moment is
caught on camera. It was so much fun though and an experience that I think
every woman should try at least once. The session made me feel really good but
I walked away feeling a little let down as well. I think I was hoping for this
immediate huge surge of confidence and I didn’t get that. Now don’t get me
wrong, it was not Ashley or the boudoir photo shoot (because she is absolutely
fantastic), it was me. I had built up in my mind what I would come out feeling
like and when I didn’t, I was disappointed. Disappointed in myself that I
didn’t get what I did this for. I didn’t walk away feeling confident and sexy
and I thought I should. It wasn’t until I saw those final photographs that I
felt it. What I had built up in my mind weeks earlier had finally surfaced. I
looked at those pictures and felt absolutely beautiful and sexy. I didn’t see
the bumps and lumps and overweight body that I normally see in the mirror when
I look at myself. I saw a woman with curves and cleavage and sex appeal.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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It has finally clicked in my mind what I had been hearing
for years. Love yourself as you are now. Stop waiting to lose weight before
seeing yourself as beautiful and worthy.
Because we all need to love ourselves at this moment, flaws and all. I
can’t even begin to explain what this whole experience has done for my
confidence and self-esteem. I feel like a new woman. For me it took getting
down to my basic feminine core to see the beauty of myself. For others it might
be the same sort of experience and others something completely different. Whatever
it might be for you, I dare you to step outside that comfort zone and find it
for yourself because you are worth it. We all are!<o:p></o:p></div>
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These are just a few of the photos from my shoot. There are so many others that are really wonderful but they are too personal to share on this blog. Some may think that these are too personal to share but C'est la vie! </div>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-3480600484178655352016-02-11T13:47:00.002-07:002016-02-11T13:47:20.650-07:00Fur babies!<div class="MsoNormal">
My sister and I didn’t have pets until I was
about 13. We had a fish tank and some goldfish and when I was in Junior High we
got a toy poodle named Button. Aside from Button, I was very leery of dogs and
honestly didn’t really care for them much. They made me nervous, I wasn't sure I could trust them to not bite and they were
always up in my face licking and smelling parts of me where a dog had no
business being. I became a cat person.</div>
<a name='more'></a> I bought Jezebel from the Denver Dumb
Friends League in August of 1999. She was and still is the meanest scariest cat
around. Just ask anyone in my family or friends that have been to my house. She
likes me (like being a strong word) but really has zero tolerance for anyone else. She once jumped on my sister’s lap and neither of us knew what to do. It was
weird. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Fast forward to 2013, I still have Jezebel, she is still a
bitch and I really didn’t care for dogs when I met my ex. He has a dog that is
lab mix named Bentley. I am not sure what sort of weird spell that this dog put
on me but it was basically love at first sight. When they all moved into my
house, Bentley became my buddy when I would sit out in the sun after work
enjoying a beer. He would take selfies with me and he would be so excited to
see me when I came home from work. The excitement of that dog when he would see
me was the best feeling in the world. It’s the unconditional love of a dog that
will suck you right into being a dog lover forever. There is no going back. <o:p></o:p></div>
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About a year later I decided I wanted to get a dog for me. I
wanted a sweater dog. You know what I mean, a little ankle biter that I could
carry around in my purse and dress up in cute little clothes. What I got was
rescue dog from the reservation that turned out to be an 80lb goofball. I named
her Daisy Mae and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How could I not love this face and want to take her home with me? </td></tr>
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She adored my
ex and didn’t really want too much to do with me. Traitor bitch. She also loved Bentley and followed him everywhere. When they moved out and Bentley left it was really hard for both of us. We both missed him immensely and there is still a hole in my heart that misses him every day. </div>
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She loves me a lot more since it was just the two of us but I could tell she was lonely and bored.
She would literally jump off the walls and furniture when I got home. I decided
after a couple months of this that she needed a friend. I watched the rescue Facebook and web pages but none of the dogs really caught my eye until I saw Synder
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7XD8v8E5wT0/VrzuM0fAIhI/AAAAAAAAAXI/wccKilmEHrY/s1600/IMG_4316.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7XD8v8E5wT0/VrzuM0fAIhI/AAAAAAAAAXI/wccKilmEHrY/s320/IMG_4316.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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He was from the humane society but was being fostered
with a dog trainer. After a couple weeks of watching posts about this dog I
decided that he and Daisy needed to meet. There was something about him that I
was drawn to. It only took them about 20 minutes of sniffing and they were best
friends. By the end of the day I was in love and wondered how I ever lived
without this dog in my life.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was just a few hours after adoption. They were already very comfortable with each other. </td></tr>
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I know what the humane society told me about Synder and why
he was at the pound but I honestly think he was there waiting for Daisy and I
to come along. I won the pound puppy lottery. He loves to cuddle with both of
us and the way he looks at me melts my heart. It’s been a rough couple months
adjusting back to single life but these two dogs have made it so much better. I
am not sure if I saved him or if he saved me. We rescued each other. <o:p></o:p></div>
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If I can end with one thing it is this - if you are looking
for a pet, please consider a rescue. There are so many lost and lonely pets out
there just wanting to love you. They will change your life for the better and
you will not regret it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I was sick so they climbed on my lap for some loves and cuddles to help me get better.<br /></td></tr>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-70273007431070737812015-12-13T16:48:00.000-07:002015-12-13T16:49:51.254-07:00A meeting of the minds - Confidence and food prep<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the past few weeks I have been going back and forth on
what to write about. I didn’t feel like I had much to contribute these past few
weeks. There have been some things going on but nothing worth writing about in
my opinion. Luckily though life has a way of throwing us those little ah-ha
moments and it really puts things in perspective so I thought I would share my
experience. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Last week I went for drinks with a friend. We go drink
margaritas every so often and have a “meeting of the minds” as we like to call
it. Basically we drink and talk about all sorts of shit and really work a bunch
of crap out. This time we talked mainly about weight loss and things we could
do to help ourselves. Probably drinking margaritas could’ve been on that list
but it wasn’t. They never will be.<o:p></o:p></div>
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At the end of our conversation and 2 margaritas later, I
made a comment about a picture that I saw on Facebook. It said something along
the lines of this – When I am sober, I wish I could be the kind of person I am
drunk- Funny, outgoing, confident but most important, drunk. I thought it was
funny but it really rings true. Not the drunk part, although I do enjoy that too,
but the rest of it. I mentioned this and also commented that my cousin is like
that all the time and I wish I had her confidence that she has day in and day
out. My friend told me that was how she felt about me. That statement really
hit me in the gut. I don’t see myself as confident at all. I struggle each and
every day with confidence and all those little negative thoughts that pop in my
head daily. My recent breakup hasn’t helped in this department at all!!<o:p></o:p></div>
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You’ve heard the phrase “fake it until you make it?”
Subconsciously I must be doing that. Putting on a face of confidence when I
don’t always feel that way. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I feel and
look fabulous and I am truly confident in myself but it is not all the time.
It’s a daily struggle. I guess my point in all this rambling is that no matter
what you (I) feel on the inside, project your (my) best self to the outer
world. You (I) never know how the way you (I) carry yourself (myself) will affect others
around you (me). I’m mostly talking to myself here… <o:p></o:p></div>
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Enough lecturing from me. Now back to our meeting of the minds talk- As many of you
know my biggest demon in my life is my ongoing struggle with my weight. I have
huge body image issues that I am working on but I am also taking steps to lose
weight too. One of the things that I have been doing is meal prep on Sundays. I
have been making my lunches to take to work for the week ahead so that I don't eat out. It saves me money and calories! I have been
doing this for a month now so I want to share those with you today because many
people have asked for the recipes when I posted pictures on my Facebook. <o:p></o:p></div>
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(sorry for the quality of the pictures. I use my cell phone and it isn't the greatest)</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-diinIonQfjc/Vm30hYVSZbI/AAAAAAAAAUs/VZXbv-2dG4s/s1600/baked%2Begg%2Brolls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-diinIonQfjc/Vm30hYVSZbI/AAAAAAAAAUs/VZXbv-2dG4s/s400/baked%2Begg%2Brolls.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<a href="http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/baked-egg-rolls" target="_blank">Baked egg rolls</a>- I used breakfast sausage instead of ground turkey. I prefer the flavor it adds.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vQyT2Fp-HMY/Vm30ky3h-sI/AAAAAAAAAVQ/bzuD9ZJk6Gg/s1600/singapore%2Bnoodles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vQyT2Fp-HMY/Vm30ky3h-sI/AAAAAAAAAVQ/bzuD9ZJk6Gg/s400/singapore%2Bnoodles.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://tideandthyme.com/singapore-mei-fun/" target="_blank">Singapore Noodle</a> - I used tofu and bean thread noodles as a replacement for meat and rice noodles. I have never cooked with tofu before and wanted a change. It was good and something I probably won't use much but it is a nice change. </div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DoCgLbb8k1I/Vm30nF2nYbI/AAAAAAAAAVo/wiPjZu8rQ7o/s1600/stir%2Bfry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DoCgLbb8k1I/Vm30nF2nYbI/AAAAAAAAAVo/wiPjZu8rQ7o/s400/stir%2Bfry.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Veggie Stir Fry - I didn't follow a recipe for this. I used a bottle of stir fry sauce that I had left over in the refrigerator and mixed it with a bunch of fresh vegetables. I also made wild brown rice to round out the meal. </div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-82SFNXI85Ck/Vm30g2nqg8I/AAAAAAAAAUo/S-_uE3RGGwE/s1600/asian%2Blunches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-82SFNXI85Ck/Vm30g2nqg8I/AAAAAAAAAUo/S-_uE3RGGwE/s400/asian%2Blunches.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Here is the finished products. All ready for my belly!</div>
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K9QUAb4Is2Q/Vm30i0winjI/AAAAAAAAAU8/pKT076LYa1w/s1600/chicken%2Bsalad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K9QUAb4Is2Q/Vm30i0winjI/AAAAAAAAAU8/pKT076LYa1w/s400/chicken%2Bsalad.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
<a href="http://lemon-sugar.com/2014/01/healthy-chicken-salad.html/" target="_blank">Chicken Salad</a> - I didn't have Greek yogurt so I used 1/4 cup mayo and 1/4 cup light sour cream. I also didn't have grapes so I used pomegranate seeds that I had frozen. The change was surprisingly good and a nice switch from the usual grape chicken salad.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IMCmYDX4MXE/Vm30nms_nII/AAAAAAAAAVs/bkXJyHzJPJ0/s1600/veggie%2Blasagna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IMCmYDX4MXE/Vm30nms_nII/AAAAAAAAAVs/bkXJyHzJPJ0/s400/veggie%2Blasagna.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Lasagna- I didn't use a recipe for this one either. I was going to use zucchini noodles instead of pasta noodles but I burnt them in the oven. Oops! I ended up using only about 6 lasagna noodles total. I layered meat sauce, noodles, ricotta, parm/mozzarella blend, zucchini, mushrooms and artichoke hearts. This freezes really well so I put 2 servings in the freezer for future lunch emergency. </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PWyKfVMfmGg/Vm30jSYMqfI/AAAAAAAAAVE/UhIPGinhYKQ/s1600/quinoa%2Bbowl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PWyKfVMfmGg/Vm30jSYMqfI/AAAAAAAAAVE/UhIPGinhYKQ/s400/quinoa%2Bbowl.jpg" width="396" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.cookingclassy.com/2015/06/zucchini-corn-and-quinoa-bowls-with-grilled-chicken-and-lemon/" target="_blank">Quinoa Bowl</a> - I didn't use the lemon as the recipe calls for but I liked it without. I think that it will be a good lunch cold or hot. </div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gZQVpxPWVTU/Vm30ibXeyhI/AAAAAAAAAU4/GIzINazSqHE/s1600/mini%2Btaco%2Bcups.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gZQVpxPWVTU/Vm30ibXeyhI/AAAAAAAAAU4/GIzINazSqHE/s400/mini%2Btaco%2Bcups.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<a href="http://www.kevinandamanda.com/recipes/dinner/crunchy-taco-cups.html" target="_blank">Mini Taco Cups</a> - Instead of using large muffin tins and layering the taco ingredients, I used mini muffin tins and made single layers. I was able to get a lot more cups and I will freeze some for later. <br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EkpO7U7XN8g/Vm30lbg5YeI/AAAAAAAAAVg/WOFnOYZXQ8U/s1600/soup1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EkpO7U7XN8g/Vm30lbg5YeI/AAAAAAAAAVg/WOFnOYZXQ8U/s320/soup1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://sweetpeasandsaffron.com/2015/10/healthy-sesame-ginger-instant-noodle-cups.html" target="_blank">Sesame Ginger Instant Noodle Pots</a> - For this recipe I used larger mason jars so that I could add more water. Don't forget to let your jars come to room temperature before adding hot water otherwise your jar will explode! </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-M6shgO31zcg/Vm30lyTMFqI/AAAAAAAAAVc/rjMsAtfpI-c/s1600/soup2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-M6shgO31zcg/Vm30lyTMFqI/AAAAAAAAAVc/rjMsAtfpI-c/s400/soup2.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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The final product! This soup was really flavorful and super fast to make. I plan on using this idea and make some different types of soups. I will make sure I post those recipes when I make them.<br />
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All of these meals were delicious and I will definitely make them again. They might seem a little much when compared to a sandwich or a salad but lunch is my main meal of the day. I don't really eat a lot for dinner so lunch is a time for me to really enjoy my meal. The calories for these are also not as high as one might expect. I will always try to swap out a high fat/high calorie item for a healthier option and as you can tell I use the recipe as a base. Don't be afraid to experiment or switch out ingredients. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but that is the fun of cooking in my opinion. I'd love to hear some of your food prep meals in the comments. I am always looking for new yummy dishes to try!<br />
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Bon Appetit!!<br />
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-87783903000955458292015-11-06T11:32:00.000-07:002015-11-06T11:32:38.107-07:00Girl Power!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1hEiQffiUiU/VjzwzIl33zI/AAAAAAAAAUY/KLxXfmKhdQk/s1600/no%2Bforce%2Bequal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1hEiQffiUiU/VjzwzIl33zI/AAAAAAAAAUY/KLxXfmKhdQk/s400/no%2Bforce%2Bequal.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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This blog is kind of going in a different direction than I
had originally envisioned. Looking back a month ago I guess what I was going to
blog about was completely superficial. That’s not good or bad but that is where
I was during that time. I will get back to some fun posts very soon so please
be patient for just a while longer. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Now that my life has been flipped upside down I am starting
to realize that I need to go inside myself and dig deep to find my independence
and strength again. Great clothes, hair and fun social events are wonderful and
I love that as much as the next fabulous gal, but they won’t keep me sane in
the lonely hours of the night. They won’t keep me from crying my eyes out when
I think of what was lost and they won’t keep me strong when times are tough.
That is something I need to find within myself and it is something that we as
women, and men too, need to figure out within. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I was in a relationship for two and a half years. During
that time there was always someone there to look after me. Someone to cut wood
and make a fire. Shovel the snow. Fix the stuff that breaks around the house
and be the strong back and arms for two. Since he left a few weeks ago I have
been asking myself questions like “how can I do this by myself”, or “can I do
this alone?” What I failed to realize is that I did everything alone before
him. Of course I have wonderful parents, a sister, a brother in law, family and
friends that would always help if I needed it but many times it was me and me
alone. Somewhere along the way I lost my independence and my strength in
myself. I let being with someone take that away. I gave away my power. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Don’t get me wrong, having someone do all that stuff is
wonderful but it made me dependent on someone other than myself and I am not OK
with that. If I wanted something done I did it myself or found someone to help
me do it and there was never a question of whether or not it could be done. I
had someone say to me years ago when I was single that maybe the reason was
because I was too independent and that scared men away. Well tough shit, I
guess. If my independence scares a man away then I don’t want that man.
Honestly I would rather be alone if that’s the case. I am slowly finding my strength again and it
feels fabulous! It’s also pretty exciting to think about what kind of man is
willing to take me on now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m not here to be a cheerleader for feminism or girl power
but there is something to be said for strong independent women. Nothing is
better than a woman that can chop and stack wood, build a fire and then go put
on her makeup and some sassy outfit and rock it all like a queen. It’s standing tall on my own two feet and
looking my future in the face knowing that I can do anything. Knowing that I am
a strong, independent woman and nothing will stop me from getting what I want
or achieving my dreams. I have a lot of things that I want to accomplish for
myself with my health, relationships and finances and I don’t have anything in
my way. I have no excuses. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It won’t be easy and I know that I have some tough days
ahead of me but knowing this will make my journey a true test of what I am made
of. Knowing that I don’t need him to do for me is empowering. It not only gives
me strength but also the confidence to face the world with my head held high
knowing that I’m not broken and weak. I’m taking back my power.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-71200310982759493862015-10-23T12:30:00.001-06:002015-10-23T12:30:27.507-06:00Why I can’t hate you...<br /><div class="MsoNormal">
I had a completely different idea that I wanted to do for
this week’s blog but life sometimes dumps a bunch of shit on you and plans
change. I have not given up my idea because it is fantastic but it will have to
wait and you will just have to come back and see what it is.</div>
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Had I known that last week when I was writing my post about
being fabulous, that my life as I knew was crumbling, I probably wouldn’t have chosen
that particular topic. It does make me really stop to think that the universe
does know what it is doing because it was that post that gave me the strength
to get through this week. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m not going to go into any details other than my boyfriend
broke up with me and he is moving out. He is also taking with him the greatest
dog on the planet but that is a whole other topic. It was, and still is when I dwell on it, gut
wrenching and heart breaking. It’s only been a week so what can I really expect
but that. I’d be a fool if I thought it would be anything else. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve never loved anyone like I loved him. He was my best
friend and the person I told everything to. The person I was the most comfortable
with. That might have been one of the problems. I got too comfortable. I couldn’t
see what was really going on. As I look back over the past couple months I can
see where things were going and if I have to be completely honest with myself I
have to have known that this breakup was inevitable. We are two completely
different people going in opposite directions. There are things that I want for
my life that he has no interest in. It’s not because he was unsupportive because
he was. It is because we are different. We just want different things out of
life. Does knowing this make it any easier, no. It hurts and it sucks and no
one wants to be alone but there is nothing worse than being alone with someone
else. Which is where we were heading and I’m thankful I don’t have those
feelings to look back on. I can remember all the good times and how good he
made me feel while we were together. I
hope he can look back on our relationship with those same feelings for me and
also maybe a little bit of regret for what was lost. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I guess my point of all this is that I can move on and when
I see him there won’t be any hate or anger. I can’t image hating someone that I
love so much. I know it happens and I don’t want that to be part of my life. The
only person that would hurt is me and I am so much better than that and I
deserve better than that. I know that he was put in my life for a reason. I may
never know that reason but what I do know is that I wouldn’t change a minute of
our time together. It is what helped shape the woman that I am today. He has shown me
through his actions and words what kind of woman I want to see and be when I
look in the mirror – beautiful, loved, special and confident. That is how I
felt when I was with him. Now I just need to see and feel this when it is just
me. Because in the end it really is all about how we feel about ourselves that
lifts us up or tears us down and right now I want to be lifted up. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So this is why I can’t hate you. You have given me a chance
to blossom and be fabulous and do everything that I have been holding back on. You
have shown me love and support and given me lots and lots of laughs. I heard
someone say once that when the laughter dies, the show is over. I guess for now
the laughter died but it is not dead and my show is long from over. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-68658402249649652992015-10-15T19:39:00.000-06:002015-10-15T19:39:39.446-06:00Fabulous..huh?When I decided to relaunch my blog I wanted to go in several directions. I wanted to do weight loss, fashion, glamping - all sorts of random topics. Originally this blog was my weight loss "diary" of sorts and it served me for the time. I now realize that I need more in my life. I need to work on the inside so that the outside can follow. I want to make my life as fantastic and as fabulous as I can. Even living in hayseed Colorado.<br />
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When I think of a fabulous woman, I envision a skinny blonde with perfect skin, red lips, high heels, body dripping with exquisite jewels and she is drinking champagne and if this were 1985 she would probably be smoking a long skinny cigarette too. <br />
<a name='more'></a>Well if being fabulous is all these things then the only thing I have going for me is the champagne. And it is not even real champagne, its sparkling wine from California or Trader Joe's if I want more bang for my buck.<br />
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I finally decided that I need to work on my body image issues and do a lot of personal development but I also realized that I need to do more in my life in general. Stop sitting around and watching TV, stop wishing I could wear the latest fashions and look good, start doing things and taking more chances and mostly just stop worrying what I think other might think about me. It is pointless and will get me nowhere fast. If I want to write about weight loss, I will. If I want to show you the progress of my glamper, I will. If I want to buy a kick ass outfit and wear it like I'm hot, I will! I just want people, me, to see that just because you are 40, 50, 60 + that you are not too old or too fat to do and wear what you want and be a fabulous, bad ass woman.<br />
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This brings me to my new logo -<br />
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I thought of the name "40 plus and fabulous" on my way to work one day. After searching for domain names I saw that it was taken so a wonderful woman in a facebook blogging group suggested that I add the "living" at the front. I will be the first to admit that I like it better than my original idea. Just to give you a little inside scoop, the 40 plus refers to my age (I'm 41) and my size, wink, wink - get it?! Oh, I am so witty and clever... </div>
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If I could just channel my mother, father and grandfather from the era of when people gave a shit, this is what I envision as fabulous (based purely on physical attributes mind you) - </div>
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Seriously?!? She looks like she is in the slums of a 3rd world country and she's wearing a matching dress suit and pearls. And her hair, can't get more fabulous. My dad is not too bad either. (wink. wink)</div>
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All I can say is "Look at the hat!" - Fabulous.... Man in uniform - Fabulous...</div>
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Where do I start with this one? This is when men were men and probably didn't want to be called fabulous but that is the only word I have for this picture.</div>
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Anyway, you get my point.</div>
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At the moment I will admit that I am not as fabulous as I'd like to be right now but I totally intend to fake it til I make it. I hope that you will stick around and see what I can do. </div>
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P.S.- If you are interested in your own fantabulous graphic, please see my friend Josh Potter at <a href="http://www.graphicassassin.com/" target="_blank">Graphic Assassin</a>. He is fabulous his own self!</div>
<br />Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-35122711179704746762015-10-07T12:00:00.002-06:002015-10-15T15:03:10.434-06:00I felt like a kid again!I grew up and live in Southwest Colorado and we are pretty isolated. The closest big city is about a 4 hour drive and that is to Albuquerque, NM. Not the most glamorous or exciting places on earth but if you want to shop somewhere other than Walmart or go to Trader Joe's this is the place we drive to a couple times a year.<br />
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Every October the news is filled with stories and pictures of the Balloon Fiesta and it was always something I wanted to see but never really made the time to go. This year we decided to make the trek down there and I have to say that I am really sorry that I never went before now. It was one of the most magical experiences in my life. <br />
<a name='more'></a>I can't really explain the feeling that you get when you are right there among all the balloons and people but it makes you instantly happy and I felt like I was a kid again. There was so much going on around us and so much to see. The best part was looking around and you could see that everyone was feeling that way. Everyone had a smile on their face and they were laughing and enjoying everything around us. </div>
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If you ever get the opportunity to go, you must! It was worth waking up at 3:45 am, without coffee, driving through traffic with hundreds of other people. We lucked out and the weather was perfect and the amount of balloons during the mass ascension was more than years past and I have no doubt that I will go again and again. </div>
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Enjoy...</div>
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Right before dawn about 8 or 9 balloons put on a light show to get the crowd excited. </div>
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When I say you are in the middle of it all, I mean it. I saw them pull a spectator out of the crowd to help get this balloon up and filled. </div>
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You have to have your picture taken of course. </div>
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Magnificent view behind us! </div>
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We laid on the grass and just looked up. Super cool!</div>
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I just thought this guy was cute. </div>
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Obviously these pictures don't even do this event justice. You will have to go see for yourself. I can't wait for my nephew to be old enough to take to this. I foresee a huge family trip in the next few years.<br />
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Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-73814735876525736142015-09-27T16:12:00.000-06:002015-10-15T14:57:58.592-06:00Here's where I am at today...It's taken me a few (Ok, more than a few) months to get back on here. I haven't been sure what to write or which direction I wanted to go with this blog. I originally wanted this to be a place that I could document my weight loss journey but since my last post I realize that I want it to be more. I want it to be a journal of sorts for my life. My main focus right now is weight loss but I have been working on so much more than that. About a month and a half ago I started a free 30 day goal setting challenge with my sister. To say this had a huge impact on my life would be an understatement. It allowed me to dream again and set goals for myself that I had long buried deep inside me. It has made me excited again and given me things to look forward to. Here, my friends, is my list -<br />
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1. I will lose 100 lbs by Memorial Day 2016<br />
2. I will re-start my blog by the end of September 2015<br />
3. I will have started a camp/clinic for overweight teens in my area by the start of school 2016<br />
4. I will save $5000.00 by 12/31/16<br />
5.I will clean and de-clutter my home so that it is a place of relaxation and somewhere I want to spend my time by 12/31/15<br />
6. Charlie and I will travel 2 times a year- to different places that we have never been to each time.<br />
7. I will spend 15 minutes a day minimum on personal growth and development.<br />
8. I will fix and landscape my front yard so that it is tranquil and a place of relaxation by Spring 2016<br />
9. I will walk and/or workout 5x a week.<br />
10. I will eat less processed foods and fill my diet with fresh healthy food.<br />
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The great thing about this list is that it is always changing and evolving. I am happy to report that #2 is obviously happening now but #1 is well on its way to happening too.<span style="font-size: large;"> I am down 18.7 lbs!</span> Working on that goal is also helping me accomplish others goals on my list which is so satisfying! I believe that everyday we should be doing something to improve ourselves. Somedays I don't do everything I should that but most days I do. Each day just keeps getting better and better.<br />
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P.S.- For anyone that is interested in the goal setting challenge, here is the link - <a href="http://www.30daypush.com/" target="_blank">Chalene Johnson- 30 Day Challenge</a>Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-40980670499941168242015-04-27T15:13:00.001-06:002015-10-15T15:00:05.063-06:00Well hello there!<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm
not quite sure why I decided to get back on my blog. It has been years since I
have even thought about it and as you can see it is sadly out of date. So much
in my life has changed since my last post so very long ago. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">During the beginning of 2013 I
lost 40 lbs and felt absolutely fabulous and happy with my body and where I was
headed. I was confident and loved working out and eating fresh healthy stuff. In May 2013 I met a wonderful man and fell madly in love. What I found out about
love is that it breeds comfort and with that I gained all 40 lbs back and then
for good measure I added another 15-20 lbs on top of that.</span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> I quit working out and bad habits replaced good. Even though I
am so happy in my relationship, I am not happy with me. I hate the way I feel
every day and I hate the way I look every day. I am the absolute heaviest I
have ever been </span>in my life and also the unhappiest with myself. It’s
kind of a double edge sword- on one side I am happy as can be and the other
side completely unhappy. Unfortunately one side bleeds to the other and I find
myself wondering what my boyfriend sees in me physically and how he can love me
like he does. I don’t like looking at my body so why would he? It is thoughts
like that have made me hit a point in my life that if I don’t fix myself and
how I feel about me it will sabotage and ruin my relationship and I will not
allow that to happen. I realize that I need to love me fully inside and out. I
also don’t want to feel this way anymore, relationship or not. I need this for
me and only me. I don’t want to be the frumpy fat girl that always puts a false
smile on her face. It is not healthy and I refuse to live my life like this any
longer!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
have decided to take control of my life and make changes where I can. I will eat
healthy and exercise, obviously the only true way to lose weight and keep it
off. I also want to embrace fashion and style, regardless of the size of
clothes I have to buy! There is no reason that I can’t be fashionable and
trendy even at a size I don’t intend to stay at. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here is where I started, where I was 40 lbs lighter and now. I try not to get mad at myself for gaining all that weight back. There is nothing I can do about it now but move forward and find that confident woman again. </span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope this blog will serve as inspiration to anyone feeling unhappy and unhealthy! Here's to a new me on the inside and out! </span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">Wendy</span></div>
Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-78364095709755679692012-06-13T11:13:00.001-06:002012-06-13T11:13:26.895-06:00Its been a week and a half since I started my training sessions with Ben. He works out of town for many days straight so right now I am working on my own doing the cardio workouts twice a week. I can not begin to explain how great I am feeling! After the first week I was down another 4.4lb!! <span style="font-size: large;">This makes my total loss 25 lbs!</span> I am so excited about that. I am about to hit a gigantic milestone. The most weight I have ever lost at one time is 30 lbs. I felt great, stopped what I was doing to lose and gained it all back plus some. I can not wait to reach that 31 lb lost mark. It will be a huge moment for me. This time losing weight is becoming a lifestyle. I am eating better and exercising and I am loving how I feel on a daily basis. There is always something new that I notice. Something smaller on my body, the way my clothes fit or how much easier it is to do things. Yesterday I tried on some pants, one of them being my goal pants, and they fit! They are 3 sizes smaller than the pants I was wearing on January 1st! Instead of having 2 pairs of pants that I rotate through, I now have 7 or 8 pair that fit. I can not wait to go clothes shopping! I used to dread shopping so much because I couldn't find stuff to fit but not I will be able to walk into a store and not have to go to a specialty size section. I am so excited for the future and what it holds for me. My weight has held me back for so long and I am ready to release it and get on with what I really want!Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-5304306737331922552012-06-04T10:50:00.002-06:002012-06-04T10:50:53.427-06:00Yesterday after my friend and I met to plan out my cardio workouts he invited me to go on a hike with him and his girlfriend (who is also my neighbor). The trail head is at the north end of Vallecito Lake. They both told me it was a good workout and a difficult hike but I was not prepared for how difficult it actually was. It was 2 miles of uphill zig zag hiking. There were a couple times that I wanted to give up but I knew I couldn't do that. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I also thought I might faint a couple times. It took about an hour and a half to get to the top but I made it. Let me tell you that the whole difficult hike was worth it. At the top there is a small lake that is just beautiful. Here are a few pics of the place.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5sC3PXTaCYs/T8zmyLlHIaI/AAAAAAAAANo/2aMKPKMw5MQ/s1600/all+us.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5sC3PXTaCYs/T8zmyLlHIaI/AAAAAAAAANo/2aMKPKMw5MQ/s320/all+us.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ashley, Ben and I at the finish!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rMaQn4iLs8Y/T8zmzApzDFI/AAAAAAAAANw/838jVPb6ADI/s1600/lake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rMaQn4iLs8Y/T8zmzApzDFI/AAAAAAAAANw/838jVPb6ADI/s320/lake.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">can you see the lake under those lily pads?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XW6cAMaCzq0/T8zmzyY8EHI/AAAAAAAAAN4/D7eqze_37a8/s1600/lily+pads.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XW6cAMaCzq0/T8zmzyY8EHI/AAAAAAAAAN4/D7eqze_37a8/s320/lily+pads.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">half the lake was covered in lily pads with these really pretty yellow flowers. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FwimTfvoSmU/T8zm069g3-I/AAAAAAAAAOA/ZpTWad8q2Jc/s1600/me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FwimTfvoSmU/T8zm069g3-I/AAAAAAAAAOA/ZpTWad8q2Jc/s320/me.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I made it!!!</td></tr>
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<br />Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-70759798466066483612012-06-04T10:41:00.001-06:002012-06-04T10:41:57.139-06:00Holy fat pants batman!I took this picture a few weeks ago. I tried on my biggest pair of capri pants that I wore last summer. These were starting to get a little snug on me.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5lhA9LsJFrE/T8zlOiLtupI/AAAAAAAAANg/hhHAsYyduss/s1600/fat+pants.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5lhA9LsJFrE/T8zlOiLtupI/AAAAAAAAANg/hhHAsYyduss/s320/fat+pants.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-5568751899328449052012-06-04T10:30:00.000-06:002012-06-04T10:30:43.761-06:00I would like to start out by apologizing to you for slacking off and not updating this blog like I should. I have had a slow month so I didn't feel like sharing my struggles. That is not why I started this blog so I will try to keep updated as much as possible.<br />
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After my 5k I felt lost. I didn't know what to do anymore or what to train for. I guess I felt like the race was done so now what? I continued to eat fairly well but I would only walk a few times or ride my bike. (Which I got at a garage sale for a great price!) I quit waking up early and no longer did the JM workouts. I could see myself slowly reverting into my old self that I had been trying so hard to change. I realized about a week ago that I can't do this alone. I don't know what I am doing and I need help. I turned to a friend of mine that is a trainer and decided to bite the bullet and see if he would train me. It was the best decision I have made in a long time. He is going to train me hard core for a month and we will see where I am and how things are going. We met yesterday and he set out a 2 week cardio plan for me to follow along with 3 main guidelines.<br />
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1. Don't eat after 7 at night -<br />
2. drink water all day long<br />
3. Don't drink your calories.<br />
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They seem pretty basic but if you stop to think about it, not as easy to do as you would think. I joined Weight Watchers as well to get me on track with food. If I'm paying for this trainer I want to make sure that I am on point with food and I know that WW can help with that.<br />
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As far as the cardio plan goes, he gave me three different exercises to do each morning. Each lasts only about 30 minutes and I rotate them throughout the week.<br />
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Monday & Thursday - Treadmill interval training - 5 minute warm up then I do 20 minutes switching every minute from walking at 3.5 at an incline to 3.0 at no incline.<br />
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Tuesday & Friday - I call it the hill of health. There is a small hill by my house that I have to do three different exercises to get to the top and I do that 3 times. This should be nice and embarrassing in front of my neighbors. ha!<br />
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Wednesday & Saturday - Walk up the trail behind my house to the top of the hill<br />
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At night he wants me to do what he calls "mindless cardio". That will be 30 minutes of stationary bike, walking or anything simple.<br />
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I started this morning and I am really excited for this next month. I will make sure to keep you posted on how I am doing. :)Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-51937142422128789602012-05-10T13:32:00.001-06:002012-05-10T13:32:57.793-06:00Think on this for a while..."You become what you think about most of the time."<br />
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This quote hit me pretty hard today. I've heard it before but in different forms. "Think and you will create", etc, etc. I'm not sure why in this text it really hit home. Maybe because what I think about most of the time is this- why am I fat, why am I single and alone? Well that is exactly what I have created. A fat, single, lonely girl. I can't blame anyone else but myself. I did this to myself but I am determined that is not what I will be thinking about anymore. This is not who I am anymore. I'm going to remember that I am a beautiful, independent woman and I am so strong and can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I have the best friends anyone could ask for and my life is so full and the future is mine!<br />
I want you to sit down and ask yourself what it is you think about most. If it is negative and not what you want, change it . It is up to you to fix what is wrong and no one else's responsibility. It is up to you to grab life by the horns and not let go until you have what you want. Don't worry about being selfish because in the end it up to you to make your life better and enjoy this limited time on earth. Because when you are happy and full-filled, just think who else's life you can change or influence. Just think what you can accomplish. No dream is too big or too small. Do it! Do it for yourself!<br />
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What are you going to become??<br />
<br />Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-91141826109338305662012-05-10T13:12:00.000-06:002012-05-10T13:12:13.527-06:00New ink!I have wanted a tattoo since I was in my early 20's. I have gone back and forth with what I want but when it came right down to it I never went to get one. I think that deep in my heart I knew that what I thought I wanted wasn't really what I wanted on my body for the rest of my life. I am really glad that I never went through with it in the past. Now I am so happy with what I decided on and that I finally went through with it. I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt. It did! Nothing that I couldn't handle and I am so pleased with the end result. I knew that when I got a tattoo it would have to mean something. Not just a cartoon character on my calf because I thought it was cute. I got something that means something to me. It doesn't mean much to most people but to me represents so much. First let me just tell you what I decided on. It is a peacock feather and I have loved peacocks and their feathers for a long time, long before it was the "in" thing. To me they represent not just beauty which is very evident at one glance but I see confidence and a pride unlike anything I have every seen before. Just take one look at peacock in full glory. They strut, they hold their head high and know that they are the most beautiful creature around. The feather also signifies a re-birth to me. People collect them and cherish them. That is what I am doing with myself. A re-birth of sorts, holding my head high, proud and confident of who I am and what I am. Beautiful and confident in my own skin and loving every minute of life!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a4Ts5j_fus8/T6wQy3_PwJI/AAAAAAAAAM8/OLpNRYt0I6c/s1600/photo1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a4Ts5j_fus8/T6wQy3_PwJI/AAAAAAAAAM8/OLpNRYt0I6c/s320/photo1.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is Bob my tattoo artist. A genius! I did exactly what I wanted. Here I am getting the outline put on.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wr4P2jqHz-A/T6wQ69ld1YI/AAAAAAAAANE/RUG5_sTgUG0/s1600/photo4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wr4P2jqHz-A/T6wQ69ld1YI/AAAAAAAAANE/RUG5_sTgUG0/s320/photo4.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Getting ready, outline on, scared to death!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KTqGd693ud8/T6wRNMvwPII/AAAAAAAAANM/GZk7mYwfxiQ/s1600/photo3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KTqGd693ud8/T6wRNMvwPII/AAAAAAAAANM/GZk7mYwfxiQ/s320/photo3.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not so bad. Hurt but not as bad as I thought it would.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4zCXy5Ttwqo/T6wRTt7wnGI/AAAAAAAAANU/liYkxjz2Tys/s1600/photo2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4zCXy5Ttwqo/T6wRTt7wnGI/AAAAAAAAANU/liYkxjz2Tys/s320/photo2.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The finished product. I love the colors and everything about it!</td></tr>
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<br />Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2236714010172022041.post-82074709235822102482012-05-02T10:48:00.003-06:002012-05-02T10:48:32.074-06:00May UpdateEach month I have been measuring myself so that I can see the progress I have made that is not reflected on the scale. To date I have lost a total of <span style="font-size: large;">22 inches</span> overall!! 22 pounds down and 22 inches down!! 22 might be my new favorite number this week. Here is the breakdown - 4 off my chest. 1 off each arm. 6.5 off my waist. 5.5 off
my hips. 2 off each thigh. I'm so excited!!! I am also finishing up phase 1 of Jillian Michaels body revolution. I should have finished last week but I got sick so I didn't work out. I can't wait to start phase 2!<br />
As for my 200 mile walking goal I have completed 8 miles so far. I am right on track. Having the treadmill at my house is really convenient and I love having it.<br />
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I took a side picture of myself to show how my body is shrinking and toning up.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0y3dwDAUvc4/T6FjMtDVIsI/AAAAAAAAAMg/KiBwCzcKZA4/s1600/me+fall+2011.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0y3dwDAUvc4/T6FjMtDVIsI/AAAAAAAAAMg/KiBwCzcKZA4/s1600/me+fall+2011.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fall of 2011</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wc1RNY57aBk/T6FlChUMHqI/AAAAAAAAAMw/lG_U6IYyetI/s1600/may+side+profile.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wc1RNY57aBk/T6FlChUMHqI/AAAAAAAAAMw/lG_U6IYyetI/s320/may+side+profile.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">May 1 (sorry for the flash!)</td></tr>
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<br />Wendy Malarsiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242225751572012037noreply@blogger.com0