6 Months Alcohol Free!

I haven’t been very active on my blog for a while. Truth is I have been hiding and playing the victim card. When I got my thyroid and Hashimotos diagnosis, I let my mind and self-sabotage take over. I made several half ass attempts at feeling better and they worked for a hot minute but I then I would feel sorry for myself and tell myself that if I’m going to be tired, overweight and a slew of other symptoms, then I might as well just stop trying. So, I did just that. I stopped walking daily, I stopped eating healthy, I stopped doing so many things that made me feel good and instead hid away at home. Tired, fat and lonely. All I needed was to trade my dogs in for cats and I would’ve had the perfect spinster starter kit.

What diets have taught me...

Cabbage soup diet, grapefruit diet, Nutrisystem, 21 day fix, Weight Watchers (more times than I can count), Atkins diet, Suzanne Somers diet, Paleo diet, Vegan diet, South Beach diet, Mediterranean diet, Body of Life, Advocare, Isagenix, flat belly diet, Sparkpeople diet, Biggest Loser diet, no fat/no salt diet, slim fast diet, Whole 30…

10 things I've learned last year that have change my life...

This past year has been the most transformative year of my life. What I thought was a simple weight loss journey, turned into a journey into my soul. A journey to discover who I need to be and especially a journey of self-love and acceptance. I have shed many tears, wrote pages of journal entries and questioned myself more times than I can count. I wouldn’t change a minute of it. Below is a brief list of the 10 most important things I learned last year. These are the 10 things that have transformed me on the inside and how I see my life. A life that I see now is pretty amazing.

Unfuck Yourself!

I've been saying for years that losing weight is hard. That's been my mantra that I've been preaching for years and used far too long as an excuse to stay fat. It's not entirely true though and I just came to that realization recently.

Morocco, self love and #girlgangs

This is probably my longest blog post to date but it is also the closest to my heart. I ask that you take time to read it and follow me on my journey through Morocco…

Last week I embarked on a trip of a lifetime. I headed to Morocco with a bunch of strangers for a spiritual retreat unlike any that I’ve ever done. It was a radical self-love retreat and I loved every second of it, even the uncomfortable super vulnerable parts. Going to Morocco for this was twofold, I got to learn from other like-minded women as well as visiting a country that has been on my bucket list for years. Flying though is not on my fun list. It gives me anxiety and I’d honestly rather drive except driving to Morocco is out of the question. I will say that nothing says “you could stand to lose a few pounds” quite like an airplane seat and seatbelt. Unfortunately I was stuck in the middle seat so the longest stretch was pretty uncomfortable. I will say though that International airplanes have come a long way since my last time overseas which was 1995.

Don't mind me, I'm just here for the food

I have always been one of those girls that accepts every invitation presented to her. I use to think it was because I was a social butterfly. I am to an extent but I will also confess that I accepted a lot of those invitations because there would be food and drinks involved. In social situations it is OK to eat and drink whatever you want. It’s OK to go back to the food table over and over again because no one is paying attention. No one is there to judge you, they are all doing the same thing. I would go places to eat and drink when I would rather be home. Food always won.

#operationthanksgivingdinner

Thanksgiving always seems to get the short end of the stick. It feels as though we go from Halloween straight into Christmas. Now I love a good Thanksgiving dinner as much as the next guy but my heart really belongs to Christmas and Halloween. Christmas especially is such a joyous time of year. People are generally in a better mood and they're more giving of themselves and of any money and goods that they may have. I am one of those people that anxiously wait for Thanksgiving to be over so that I could start decorating immediately the day after. Screw Black Friday, I am all about decorating my house.

Being Single

If you are a friend of mine on Facebook then you probably saw several days of posts for what I was calling “Single Awareness Week”. Basically it was me being an ass about all the happy couple/love my husband posts that are going around now. They showed what I did that day and I was doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Usually it is only on Valentine’s Day that makes me painfully aware just how single I am but now social media has come up with more ways to do that and make it last for weeks at a time. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge my friends happiness in their marriages. In fact I long to find that special someone to be in my life to live, laugh and share. Sometimes it’s just tiresome to see that all the time.

~How I see me~

Do you know what it’s like to look at yourself in the mirror every day and wish you were someone else? Maybe not someone else but someone skinnier, healthier, more muscular, etc. etc. etc…Blah blah blah. It’s like a broken record. Every day of my life. This is how I have been living. Existing is more like it. I have spent so long wishing I was something else and never loving and appreciating what I have and because of this I have missed out on a lot of things. I have spent a lot of time this year learning to love and appreciate my body. Reading books and blogs and getting in the mindset to change my everyday thinking. I am slowly being able to look in the mirror and not cringe at what I see. I am learning to see the beauty of myself from the outside. I have spent a majority of my life on a diet or weight loss plan of some sort, spending thousands of dollars on that one thing that will help me. Searching for that number on a scale that will magically fix the way I see myself and make me happy. The sad thing is that number doesn’t exist. That number is what I weigh now, what I weighed 6 months ago and what I will weigh a year from now. I need to fix the way I see me in this moment and love every inch of me inside and out. To be happy in the here and now, no matter how much I weigh.

A peek into my boudoir..almost

I’ve been struggling with this blog post for about a month now. I am honestly at a loss and I am having the hardest time putting my thoughts and feelings into words. This is the only post that you will really get to see me. Not just my words but pictures too. Once this post is up and public I will probably get some judgement as well (“I can’t believe she posted those pictures online!”) but I guess that is going to happen when you have a blog, that at times, shows you at your most vulnerable.

I am one of those people that if I want to do something, I will do it. I’m not going to wait around and miss that opportunity. It’s because of this that I have done and seen a lot of things that most people can only dream about. I am also one of those people that will put something off “until I lose weight” and it is because of this that I have missed out on some pretty spectacular things. I’m not sure why weight should ever have anything to do with whether or not I do something but it does.

Fur babies!

My sister and I didn’t have pets until I was about 13. We had a fish tank and some goldfish and when I was in Junior High we got a toy poodle named Button. Aside from Button, I was very leery of dogs and honestly didn’t really care for them much. They made me nervous, I wasn't sure I could trust them to not bite and they were always up in my face licking and smelling parts of me where a dog had no business being. I became a cat person.

A meeting of the minds - Confidence and food prep

Over the past few weeks I have been going back and forth on what to write about. I didn’t feel like I had much to contribute these past few weeks. There have been some things going on but nothing worth writing about in my opinion. Luckily though life has a way of throwing us those little ah-ha moments and it really puts things in perspective so I thought I would share my experience.

Last week I went for drinks with a friend. We go drink margaritas every so often and have a “meeting of the minds” as we like to call it. Basically we drink and talk about all sorts of shit and really work a bunch of crap out. This time we talked mainly about weight loss and things we could do to help ourselves. Probably drinking margaritas could’ve been on that list but it wasn’t. They never will be.

Girl Power!

This blog is kind of going in a different direction than I had originally envisioned. Looking back a month ago I guess what I was going to blog about was completely superficial. That’s not good or bad but that is where I was during that time. I will get back to some fun posts very soon so please be patient for just a while longer.  

Now that my life has been flipped upside down I am starting to realize that I need to go inside myself and dig deep to find my independence and strength again. Great clothes, hair and fun social events are wonderful and I love that as much as the next fabulous gal, but they won’t keep me sane in the lonely hours of the night. They won’t keep me from crying my eyes out when I think of what was lost and they won’t keep me strong when times are tough. That is something I need to find within myself and it is something that we as women, and men too, need to figure out within.

Why I can’t hate you...

I had a completely different idea that I wanted to do for this week’s blog but life sometimes dumps a bunch of shit on you and plans change. I have not given up my idea because it is fantastic but it will have to wait and you will just have to come back and see what it is.

Had I known that last week when I was writing my post about being fabulous, that my life as I knew was crumbling, I probably wouldn’t have chosen that particular topic. It does make me really stop to think that the universe does know what it is doing because it was that post that gave me the strength to get through this week.

Fabulous..huh?

When I decided to relaunch my blog I wanted to go in several directions. I wanted to do weight loss, fashion, glamping - all sorts of random topics. Originally this blog was my weight loss "diary" of sorts and it served me for the time. I now realize that I need more in my life. I need to work on the inside so that the outside can follow. I want to make my life as fantastic and as fabulous as I can. Even living in hayseed Colorado.

When I think of a fabulous woman, I envision a skinny blonde with perfect skin, red lips, high heels, body dripping with exquisite jewels and she is drinking champagne and if this were 1985 she would probably be smoking a long skinny cigarette too.

I felt like a kid again!

I grew up and live in Southwest Colorado and we are pretty isolated. The closest big city is about a 4 hour drive and that is to Albuquerque, NM. Not the most glamorous or exciting places on earth but if you want to shop somewhere other than Walmart or go to Trader Joe's this is the place we drive to a couple times a year.

Every October the news is filled with stories and pictures of the Balloon Fiesta and it was always something I wanted to see but never really made the time to go. This year we decided to make the trek down there and I have to say that I am really sorry that I never went before now. It was one of the most magical experiences in my life.

Here's where I am at today...

It's taken me a few (Ok, more than a few) months  to get back on here. I haven't been sure what to write or which direction I wanted to go with this blog. I originally wanted  this to be a place that I could document my weight loss journey but since my last post I realize that I want it to be more. I want it to be a journal of sorts for my life. My main focus right now is weight loss but I have been working on so much more than that. About a month and a half ago I started a free 30 day goal setting challenge with my sister. To say this had a huge impact on my life would be an understatement. It allowed me to dream again and set goals for myself that I had long buried deep inside me. It has made me excited again and given me things to look forward to. Here, my friends, is my list -

Well hello there!

I'm not quite sure why I decided to get back on my blog. It has been years since I have even thought about it and as you can see it is sadly out of date. So much in my life has changed since my last post so very long ago.

During the beginning of 2013 I lost 40 lbs and felt absolutely fabulous and happy with my body and where I was headed. I was confident and loved working out and eating fresh healthy stuff. In May 2013 I met a wonderful man and fell madly in love. What I found out about love is that it breeds comfort and with that I gained all 40 lbs back and then for good measure I added another 15-20 lbs on top of that.

Its been a week and a half since I started my training sessions with Ben. He works out of town for many days straight so right now I am working on my own doing the cardio workouts twice a week. I can not begin to explain how great I am feeling! After the first week I was down another 4.4lb!! This makes my total loss 25 lbs! I am so excited about that. I am about to hit a gigantic milestone. The most weight I have ever lost at one time is 30 lbs. I felt great, stopped what I was doing to lose and gained it all back plus some. I can not wait to reach that 31 lb lost mark. It will be a huge moment for me. This time losing weight is becoming a lifestyle. I am eating better and exercising and I am loving how I feel on a daily basis. There is always something new that I notice. Something smaller on my body, the way my clothes fit or how much easier it is to do things. Yesterday I tried on some pants, one of them being my goal pants, and they fit! They are 3 sizes smaller than the pants I was wearing on January 1st! Instead of having 2 pairs of pants that I rotate through, I now have 7 or 8 pair that fit. I can not wait to go clothes shopping! I used to dread shopping so much because I couldn't find stuff to fit but not I will be able to walk into a store and not have to go to a specialty size section. I am so excited for the future and what it holds for me. My weight has held me back for so long and I am ready to release it and get on with what I really want!

Yesterday after my friend and I met to plan out my cardio workouts he invited me to go on a hike with him and his girlfriend (who is also my neighbor). The trail head is at the north end of Vallecito Lake. They both told me it was a good workout and a difficult hike but I was not prepared for how difficult it actually was. It was 2 miles of uphill zig zag hiking. There were a couple times that I wanted to give up but I knew I couldn't do that. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I also thought I might faint a couple times. It took about an hour and a half to get to the top but I made it. Let me tell you that the whole difficult hike was worth it. At the top there is a small lake that is just beautiful. Here are a few pics of the place.

Ashley, Ben and I at the finish!

can you see the lake under those lily pads?

half the lake was covered in lily pads with these really pretty yellow flowers. 

I made it!!!