This blog is kind of going in a different direction than I had originally envisioned. Looking back a month ago I guess what I was going to blog about was completely superficial. That’s not good or bad but that is where I was during that time. I will get back to some fun posts very soon so please be patient for just a while longer.
Now that my life has been flipped upside down I am starting to realize that I need to go inside myself and dig deep to find my independence and strength again. Great clothes, hair and fun social events are wonderful and I love that as much as the next fabulous gal, but they won’t keep me sane in the lonely hours of the night. They won’t keep me from crying my eyes out when I think of what was lost and they won’t keep me strong when times are tough. That is something I need to find within myself and it is something that we as women, and men too, need to figure out within.
I was in a relationship for two and a half years. During that time there was always someone there to look after me. Someone to cut wood and make a fire. Shovel the snow. Fix the stuff that breaks around the house and be the strong back and arms for two. Since he left a few weeks ago I have been asking myself questions like “how can I do this by myself”, or “can I do this alone?” What I failed to realize is that I did everything alone before him. Of course I have wonderful parents, a sister, a brother in law, family and friends that would always help if I needed it but many times it was me and me alone. Somewhere along the way I lost my independence and my strength in myself. I let being with someone take that away. I gave away my power.
Don’t get me wrong, having someone do all that stuff is wonderful but it made me dependent on someone other than myself and I am not OK with that. If I wanted something done I did it myself or found someone to help me do it and there was never a question of whether or not it could be done. I had someone say to me years ago when I was single that maybe the reason was because I was too independent and that scared men away. Well tough shit, I guess. If my independence scares a man away then I don’t want that man. Honestly I would rather be alone if that’s the case. I am slowly finding my strength again and it feels fabulous! It’s also pretty exciting to think about what kind of man is willing to take me on now.
I’m not here to be a cheerleader for feminism or girl power but there is something to be said for strong independent women. Nothing is better than a woman that can chop and stack wood, build a fire and then go put on her makeup and some sassy outfit and rock it all like a queen. It’s standing tall on my own two feet and looking my future in the face knowing that I can do anything. Knowing that I am a strong, independent woman and nothing will stop me from getting what I want or achieving my dreams. I have a lot of things that I want to accomplish for myself with my health, relationships and finances and I don’t have anything in my way. I have no excuses.
It won’t be easy and I know that I have some tough days ahead of me but knowing this will make my journey a true test of what I am made of. Knowing that I don’t need him to do for me is empowering. It not only gives me strength but also the confidence to face the world with my head held high knowing that I’m not broken and weak. I’m taking back my power.