Living 40 plus and fabulous

Living 40 plus and fabulous

Friday, August 5, 2016

Being Single

If you are a friend of mine on Facebook then you probably saw several days of posts for what I was calling “Single Awareness Week”. Basically it was me being an ass about all the happy couple/love my husband posts that are going around now. They showed what I did that day and I was doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Usually it is only on Valentine’s Day that makes me painfully aware just how single I am but now social media has come up with more ways to do that and make it last for weeks at a time. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge my friends happiness in their marriages. In fact I long to find that special someone to be in my life to live, laugh and share. Sometimes it’s just tiresome to see that all the time.

Doing those posts actually turned out to be a good thing for me and they made me realize that even though I do want to find that person to love and live with forever, I am, at this moment, just fine with being single and living alone. I realized that I am not going to settle for less than I deserve just so that I can be in a relationship. I am not going to date just to date. I will take my time to find the person that will make my life complete. WAIT?! WHAT?! Did I really just write that? I don’t need a man to make my life complete it is already complete! I have so many great friends and family that are there for me no matter what is going on.  I just know that finding that man to love and love me back will give my life added happiness and joy. A different kind of complete.

Everyone knows those people that are never single. They seem to have a new person in their life the day after a breakup. I am definitely not one of those people. I have a hard time putting myself out there and I couldn’t flirt to save my life. Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe my fliting game. That being said it is really no surprise that I stay single as long as I have. 

I know so many people that are so scared to be alone that they date horrible people and put up with so much crap, not really knowing or realizing that life could be so different but they are afraid to grab it because they are scared to be single. If I could just say a few things to all these people- Stop settling for less! Stop dating assholes and people that treat you like crap. Step outside your comfort zone and try being single for a little while. Learn to live with yourself and learn who you really are. Fall in love with yourself for a change. Take yourself out on a date once a month. Be comfortable being alone for a while. I’m not saying that being single is all sunshine and roses because it’s not. It gets to me sometimes and I wallow in self-pity all while eating take out and drinking alone. I get tired of being the third wheel with my couple friends or the only single person at a party but I would much rather wake up years from now still single than wake up next to someone and realize that I wasted years on a relationship that shouldn’t have started in the first place. Because I now know better. I know not to settle!

I don’t want to say that I completely settled in my last relationship but almost. I settled when he told me in the beginning that he would never get married. I settled when he told me that he was relationship challenged. I settled for the really important things and I refuse to do that again. Knowing this, would I change my past if I could? Absolutely not but it doesn’t mean I am going to do it again. Everyone and everything is put in our life for a reason. Most of the time we will never know that reason. Those years have helped shape me into the woman I am today- good, bad and indifferent.  They gave me a better understanding of what I want and need out of life and out of a partner. It gave me strength and confidence in myself and the knowledge that it is OK to be single because truthfully, I may be single but I am never alone.

I took myself on a date last week. Drinks, sushi and ice cream. Best date I've had in a while! 

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